Don’t ask don’t tell,

While I completely agree on the point that gay’s shouldn’t have to hide their identities when serving in our military, I believe you are missing a few key points. DADT was not entirely put into actions by our society’s homophobia. The issue of soldiers not being openly gay in the military is a performance issue as well.
Were there intimate relationships between gay soldiers in the same platoon, decisions in the field and military actions would be compromised due to the extra emotions they would have for each other. Who would be able to defuse a bomb or evacuate hostages after seeing their wife, mom, dad, or sibling be shot and die right in front of them? Almost no one would be completely unaffected, and therein lies the problem.
Soldiers are trained to be hard, tough, and have the ability to carry out orders regardless of the situation. Having to worry about someone who you’re intimately involved with while on active duty is the same reason that married couples are not allowed to work together, or near each other if both are serving. While I do believe there is also open homophobia fueling the DADT policy, I also believe DADT has been put in place because a solution has yet to be proposed that would allow gays to openly serve, while not compromising the integrity of our armed forces.